The Best Saturday Ever.

06:37:57 AM: Receive text from Becca "We're on our way! Probably about thirty minutes away."
07:08:19 AM: Receive text message from Becca "We's almost there."
07:15: They's here. Take Becca's wild tour of Orem and Provo part one. Pass Six Flags: Car Wash Country.
07:30: Arrive at Village Inn for Breakfast. I order Chicken Fried Steak Breakfast. Mallory orders her usual Denver Omelet(We discuss why it's called Denver Omelet and reason that it's imported from The Mile High City itself), Becca orders something with no meat and wheat toast. Waitress brings me some sort of Chicken Fried Scramble thing. I look at it puzzled. I tell her I didn't order the scramble thing. She assures me that I did, but she'll fix it. I mentally flip her off.
08:30: Head to Becca's parents to get newspaper. Continue with Becca's wild tour. Pass Becca's elementary school where she borrowed her mom's earring and dropped them down a grate.
08:45: Arrive at Becca's parents. Eat pumpkin-pecan cookies, Do Becca's Mom's crossword puzzle, Receive garden tour(This time sober), find garage sales in newspaper.
09:15: Garage Sailing(Because Garage sales are magical places you can float to by a magical boat. DON'T QUESTION BECCA!! SHE'LL CLAWS YOUR EYES OUT!!) Stop at Drive-thru Gas station from caffeinationery implamentation. Due to the weather, only found a few sales. Decide to go to Savers.
11:12: Arrive at Savers. Find sweet Spirograph and Old Chemistry Kit. Found the greatest couch in the world. And it was green. Didn't buy because where am I going to put the couch? I cry because I can't get the couch. I really love that couch. If I could go back on my life and change one thing it would be to get that couch.
12:11: Arrive at Animal Ark. Look at the adorable bunnies. Look at the adorable puppies. Look at the adorable turtle. I wish I had an adorable pet.
12:29: Continue with last leg of Becca's wild tour. Spot elementary school rummage sale. Car jittery with delight. I am dismayed to see a jungle gym of clothing. Listen in on a conversation between two little girls. (Oh my gosh Brooklyn this purse would match your shoes. Oh yeah they would I love it. Quick go ask your mom if you can get it. Go.) The girls do not end up with the accessory. Mallory finds a bargain on some shirts.
01:16: Decide to go eat lunch at Osaka. Park in the back. Find interesting outdoor secret spot. Find interesting indoor secret spot. Everyone has sudden need to wazz. Find locked restroom. Sadly go to Osaka. Notice their "eat here, piss free" key. Rejoice. Have the best lunch ever. Mallory doesn't even feel need to vomit. Sit in indoor secret spot's couches. Relish the comfort. Contemplate nap. Decide we need more caffeine.
02:30: Head to Barnes and Noble. Girls wazz. Jeremy waits. Jeremy stops waiting. I find play(Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?). Then sit by cookbooks and dream. Girls find me. Head to cafe to read books. See crazy mullet guy. Grab last table after overhearing some other girls looking for one. Take that other girls!! Talk to Mallory and Becca instead of reading. Mallory inspires me and Becca to get notebooks. Head to Shepherd's Cake and Candy to get Victorian something chocolates. They no longer sell them. CURSES!!
03:30: Go to Becca's parents and listen to her mom play piano. She's very good.
04:30: Arrive back at home as the bast Saturday ever ends. The girls wave to me as they leave. I wish I was dead.

Read Mallory's account of the day here